You already have let me know how you feel about me on many occasions, and quite eloquently, and I sit here, unable to summon the words necessary.

I know that nothing I say here will shock you. You know me. You can read me like a children's book. You know exactly how I feel about you and our friendship. You are priceless to me. I don't want to cry when you leave, but I know I will. I'm going to cry because I know that my best friend is going far far away.

However I also know that you will always be with me in spirit and in soul. I know that you love me, no matter where you are. You mean more to me than anyone I've ever met. You're my confidant and my partner in crime. You're my moral support and my cheerleader.

I want you to know that I love you for exactly who and what you are, not because of what you know or what you're willing to give. You'd give me everything you have if I asked for it. Nothing that you could give me could replace your company and companionship. I wish I could show you how deeply you have and will continue to impact my life, but there is no way. Just know that you have made me a better person.

Colin
i never asked him to do this, he simply wanted to

Lauren - I suppose she's a logical place to start, since she inspired this post unintentionally. Lauren, for those who don't know, is one of the best people I've ever met. Best, of course, can mean many things, so allow me to clarify. Lauren is the most... well, she's the smartest person I know. She's modest, yet cocky, and I like that. I'm all cockiness in most that I do, and it's a total facade in a lot of cases, but I find that she's real.

She says people wear masks. I think I realized only after I left school that perhaps I really do wear masks, and the only mask she wears is that of concern and truth. She's overly-honest. She'll tell you how she feels at any time, I think... and it sometimes gets her in trouble.

But let me be honest, as that is the motif of my post today. I miss her. I honestly think I miss her more than I miss anyone I can't see everyday. The fact that I'll be at Northeastern next year without her around to talk to 'til the wee hours of the morning breaks my heart. It really does. She posted a while ago in her journal that only she and I could have conversations about JFK's invasion of Cuba, why Soviet Russia never invaded America, and her "daddy doesn't love me" issues within a five minute period. I flowed with her, on an intellectual level, like I've never flowed with anyone in my life. It was amazing.

I want you to remember that I'm very close to you. I also want you to remember that whoever this Amanda person is... yeah... those are the people Colin likes to call pseudo-intellects, or pseudo-writers in general. "Write to discover," shut the F up. Lauren, write because you want to write. I write for a living, so take it from me sweetheart. You've been going through this self-loathing stage since you left last semester and it's really bringing me down. We aren't friends because of your ability to write, or because you're the only person I know who's smarter than I am, or because you're kind or generous or loving. I'm friends with you because of your confidence, and your ability to make me smile. You're one of the only people I can talk to who can make me smile. And a lot of the times, you do it with your writing. So I say listen to the wise words of SA and Nick and FUCK THE BULLSHIT! You're NOT ugly, inside or out, and anyone who says otherwise is a waste of space with nothing but trite insults and a feeble mind. But let me just remind you, this is diaryland. This isn't real life. Amanda isn't real, either. Amanda wants to feel that she's a good writer, so she critiques yours. The only thing is, real writers don't critique other writers, they silently read and work on their own skills from what they like or don't like of other's stylings. Listen to Ben Folds Five. Paint a picture. Design me another tattoo! Whatever you do, keep your head up.