9:38 a.m. | 2004-10-21
Already I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry
I was in an airplane once and picked up one of those in flight magazines they provide for you. I remember flipping through it and seeing all these people in black, I flipped back to the beginning of the article and started to browse. There were 7 people. Each was handed a small clicker (that measured the amount of times they added a click). For one week everytime they thought about how they looked, good or bad, or checked themselves out in their mirror or anything of the sort they had to add a click. The magazine averaged out who clicked most per day and had them estimate why.
If I had a clicker yesterday I would have hit it 3,000 times.
It was just one of those days. I remember getting up for work and looking in the mirror, it being 6 am and me having ten minutes to get out of the door (and when I wake up, depending on when you wake me up in a cycle I'm either completely alert, or I just bump into things and giggle a lot). I remember going to the bathroom again and re-doing my already rather perfect pony tail. I remember leaving work and taking a shower, knowing that I would be going to the gym later. I went to the gym and I found myself cringing as I watched my own body in my too tight white t (I had grabbed the wrong one from the drawer) in the mirrors. Had I not been with someone I would have run to the bathroom and cried.
I went and got my hair cut. Short. Not super short, but right at my shoulders (which took off about 5 inches), and got it all parted on the side and cut on an angle and I love it. But I felt so fucking vain staring at it and moving it at work all night long.
I ran home to grab my computer, realizing I had barely been home at all since 6 am, took it to my mothers and sat down to puppy sit and check up on my updaters and emails. Betty surprised me with this kind of talk. Because surely it's something that all we females do. Surely it's a way that we all feel sometimes. But, it felt so awkward coming from such a beautiful confident girl.
But this all brings me to a much more prominent point. How many of you are unhappy with your bodies/images? Not just a little unhappy, or "I don't like my hips," and overall pretty un-fucking-happy. And of those...how many of you think you deserve to feel that way?
Leave comments, if you would, as to the answer.
