5:46 p.m. | 2004-10-10
It's Strange You're So Perfect For Me; But I Can't Have You
I was driving back from Boulder a few weeks ago when I made the call to Gabriel I mentioned off-handedly. The one where I appologized for telling him that he didn't know me, because he was right when he said I followed my heart no matter what.
I had forgotten, though, that once I got off the phone with him I had begun to think obsessively about it. So bad that on my way home I purposefull switched roads so that I was on the one he lived by and so I passed his house enough to see his car. Stalkerish, I know. But it gets worse, I promise.
So I see his car, remember him telling me he had to get off the phone because he had to go somewhere and was beginning to brush it off as I pulled up to the light (not just a light as if I were going anywhere, like the only one out of the neighborhood, like I had to be there for a reason). To my right he was. As he pulled up, I was on my cell phone, I heard a honk, looked over and I'm not sure if my face showed it, but my heart sank and I put on this huge grin and waved. Trying to brush the feeling off, severely.
He had just seen me stalking him. It had gone from me being covert to--me being in his neighborhood. Thirty seconds later and he would have seen me actually driving by his house. Thirty seconds earlier and he wouldn't have even seen me.
I've seen him since then, don't get me wrong, I'm not bringing it up unless he mentions something, and in which case I'll most likely deny the whole thing and make up some lie. I'm odd like that.
That being said, I'm doing better with my resolution because since I have decided that I'm allowed to do whatever I want with Gabriel--I don't want to. But I'm not going to lie, the night he told me he had some interest in this girl named "Stephanie" or something...I felt that twinge of jealousy.
I'm a terrible person, really I am. But I do have hot hot hair. Seriously.
