3:24 p.m. | 2004-08-29
It's Subtle, These Changes, You Know
The good thing about you is that you made me realize that I do have soft spots. I do have flaws, and I do have weaknesses.
All of these things will be fixed in due time. Meaning, you made me see imperfection in myself (and seeing as I am one who always has striven for perfection) and that made me want to fix it.
What brings me to all of this? I no longer want you. I have the feeling now that I had in Boston, which took me approximately 4 months to create, and about 3 minutes to destroy. I now have created it in under a week, I feel it stronger than before, and I honestly don't have the need to have you be the reason I feel special.
Perhaps it's because I've attained another reason.
Either way it makes me thankful to have had you because I need to be honest with myself: you rarely said that you wanted something with me. And honestly, looking back on things, I shouldn't have been upset for half the things I was angry at you for. Who's to be angry at a boy who calls them once every two weeks when they're simply friends? I barely speak to Jessa that often: do I hate her? No. I made the assumption that you wanted me for more than that. And in all honesty, except in your moments of weakness, you never did.
That being said and done I'm in a place where I can gaze up at the mountan before me, looking at the path I wanted to take and glancing and the much more daring one to my side. It looks more fun. It's not safe, and there's chance for scraped knees and broken hearts. But ya know what? I think I'm going to go for it anyway.
Wish me luck.
