9:06 a.m. | 2004-07-31
...Only to Be Replaced by Boys That Don't Love Me and Broken Hearts
I've always wanted to be one of those writers who says things that are amazing, like how you should live your life.
Forget the bad times--and the people who never said goodbye. Let go of the heartbreak and tears and instead remember how you used to laugh so hard your sides hurt. Make yourself happy for once, do something for you, enjoy yourself and nothing more. Live as if you'd die tomorrow; take every chance you can. Offer someone the world and actually give it to them. Live life, break bones and cry as much as you need.
That kind of shit. Only good. But you know what? I can't. That's not me. I'm not that kind of writer, in fact fuck, I'm not a writer, I just write. I write inane little pieces of drivel about how this boy doesn't want me, how he and I just have sex and this great emotional connection, but that we never go further.
I cry over the bad times, I laugh at the good, and it's all too movie-esque for me. Someone wrote my life in a script. I'm convinced. I live off of that drama.
I am the lead in my own show.
Yet I hate it. I hate living it. I hate breathing this aura and I hate pissing people off like that and I hate writing like I do. I write like a child. I put things out there honestly, open heart, and don't care. Because I know people have the address to this. I know there've been searches on my page for "Kara Flook" and "Melissa Palashoff" and even "Kristin McCall." I know people I know have found me. And I don't give a fuck...
I just wish I had something better to show them.
I'm not a painter, but I do paint. I'm not a photographer, but I do take pictures. I'm not a writer, but I do write. I'm not a chef, but I do cook. I'm not anything, but then again...I do nothing.
