late nights and loud fights
it's all just a blur

5:33 p.m. | 2004-08-01
This One's From Left Field, I Swear

Oh those great self epiphane times.

They are special aren't they? As I sit here, surrounded by leftovers from two nights of dinners (just enough energy to stuff them in my face and fall to my bed) I have this strange feeling I'm destined to work in a gas station somewhere as a worthless nothing.

With my ass being as large as it is I'll end up with some sort of low class guy who will make me gag with every thought of him and his misuse of the word "your." I'll smile at his kind soul and gentle humor, but cry after holidays with his family.

Scary thing is, I can see it happening. I can see myself getting that bad. I can see myself bleaching my hair blonde and wearing outrageous make-up and simply thinking about killing myself night but deciding the baby in my arms didn't deserve that.

I didn't really fool you, did I?

Didn't think so. I guess all that could happen. I guess I could kinda see it happening. But at the very least I see myself getting a degree from CU and doing something menial with it. That's not terrible, is it? Working in say...restaurant management for the rest of my life?

Oh who am I kidding. I'm a failure, always have been, and now to make myself feel better I'm going to go take a shower so I can feel pretty and drive around town like I have some sort of purpose.

Oh for fuck's sake. Someone stop me already.

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