10:07 a.m. | 2004-03-30
I've Run Out Of Witty Titles
I figure it's only right of me to use the privlidge that I was given.
I spent hours and hours on this so that it would suit me, right?
One would hope so.
So I'm left sitting here looking at my inbox, my guestbook, and my notes section wondering what I could be missing. The total comes to something like 4 guestbook entries overall, 2 or so notes, about 5 emails currently, and some scattered notes (perhaps totalling about 4). All of these people gave a shit enough to tell me that I'm "worthy."
I know my writing's not what it used to be. I know I post things that aren't me, honestly, I know that the writing I have posted as creative on the site is nowhere near what I consider my best. That's because when I was 16 I signed over that work. Those words aren't mine anymore. They're in a whole bunch of archived copies of literary magazines, and a few books, but because I gave them up, even though they're still mine, I'm not allowed to post them.
It's a long story. One I honestly don't feel like going into.
And here I am. I'm left feeling like I need to entertain you, throw some balls in the air, juggle a few chainsaws, or swallow a sword. I fear this feels like it's getting to be more about you and less about me.
Don't get me wrong reader, I love you. You make my site numbers bump, my page views soar, and you leave me nice notes like "you=cool." You're what I do this for. Kinda.
No fear, though, this is no end. I just feel like this doesn't do it for me anymore--in the sense that it used to that is. I still feel loved and have fun and like the elements of it, I'm just not sure I want it to be that 'secret online diary' thing anymore. Time to stop pretending I'm hiding, 'cause I know a simple google search would destroy me. And has blown my cover, I will admit. (Thank you sitemeter for your nice referral reminders).
So I stand before you now...perhaps more open. Perhaps more me. Less about daily happenings (which we all try to avoid--my life is rarely entertaining) and more along the lines of what I have to offer. What makes me unique, and essentially why I'm here.
We'll try a new approach. Chances are we're gonna end up back at the same place, but that really doesn't matter.
C'est la vie.
Signing off--Lauren
