1:06 a.m. | 2004-03-31
THE FUNERAL
I like the idea of people enjoying themselves at my funeral. I love the way that I've seen some of the funerals I've been to function (I've sadly been to a lot of funerals). My relatives on one side sat there and laughed, and drank, and looked at the pictures of when their now deceased love one was happy.
That's how it's going to go then. You're going to get word that for some reason I've passed, and I know this sounds odd, but I can't picture myself passing of old age. I can't see my being 80 something and going. I see it in my early sixties, where I'm still young enough to play and run and enjoy myself and to see my grandchildren and spoil them rotten. I never want to get old to the point where I can't do things for myself. That'll be the day...
So when I die you'll get word. It'll spread fast, because I love people, and everyone I know and love will be connected and love each other. But not a one of you will be sad because you'll be warned many times that you are not to be sad.
You'll come to my funeral and people will greet you with hugs. At this point you'll most likely be paying your respects to a folgers can of sorts with me inside of it. Yay for burning flesh.
Now, you'll all talk about how long it's been since you've seen each other, seen me, etc, and how things are going for you. And you'll be having a dandy time, in fact, the cost of my funeral will be spent on a few flowers an open bar and a caterer. And on top of that...a whole bunch of small silver boxes.
It'll be arranged that all people in my address book when I die will recieve one small silver box. In that box will be me. You'll get your own piece of me, creepy eh? But you don't get to keep me. Please don't. I want you to take me to your favorite place. The most exotic place you know. Somewhere you know I'd enjoy.
When you're there, remember one nice thing about me, something you liked me for and proceed to spread me as you like. I plan to see beaches, mountains, cafe's, skyscrapers, jungles, ice-bergs, ancient ruins, ocean floors, and space. You knew I wanted it--so do your part in taking me there. I'll do my best while I'm still living, but I'll need your help for the rest.
You'll recieve your package, your little piece of me and you'll do your task. And while I won't be concious of it after you do it I will know while I'm living that this is my plan, and when I do leave, people will do this.
And honestly, I love that.
So damn it people. No wearing black. No mourning. And if you must cry, make it from the laughter over that time that I tried to stick that...you know...up my nose...and--yeah.
Do not mourn a loss. Look at what it changed. Small or big. Did I re-organize a Wal-Mart for the better? Go me. Did I cure cancer? Go me all the same.
Just do me a favor and...
...never forget.
