12:02 p.m. | 2004-03-18
Tell Me I Mean Something More Than Anyone Before
I'm not sure what I did. He asked me once last week. He asked me again the other night. He asked me again last night. I said yes. I wanted to--but in the same respect I didn't!
I know what this sounds like. I'm not a slut. I just designed a tattoo. Colin's tattoo to be specific. He's been bothering me, and I said no, because that's kind of creepy. Plus, what if he didn't like it? Have I done this before? Kind of. But it was for a friend I wasn't really attached to, and I didn't really like the design, and would have picked a different one now that I think of it.
But apparantly Colin wants this. Bad. And I know he won't regret it because it's something he's been planning on, and...I hate to say this...but the design is gorgeous. When he gets it I'll be sure to post some photos. Hey, maybe then we'll have an acceptable photo of him!
He said that this would mean so much more if I did it. His brother is an artist, and he admits that he could have him do that, but he said it would mean more if I did it. If I did it. We had this horridly in depth conversation again the other day, and blatantly admitted things that made me blush and smile, and made me want to stay here forever.
I can't be that attached to him, can I? He's a friend, and while not disposable, why do I find this so fucking hard. Jamie's not fighting me (thank you Jamie) and while she does make smart ass comments like "well you're the one who's leaving me," or "you're the one who put me in this position," she doesn't tug at me and try to change my mind.
If inking his body is his way of getting me to stay, it won't work. If it's his way of loving me, and wanting to keep me close to him for the rest of his life, then fine.
God I hate to leave this.
Signing Off--Lauren
(ps thank you for your kind words yesterday. I'm not much one for feeling pain, so I'm cool, no big deal, but the fact that you care is a big deal to me, thank you!)
