late nights and loud fights
it's all just a blur

1:38 p.m. | 2005-11-11
We Could Burn This Down

How do you manage something you don't understand?

How do you smile and get over it and move on?

I feel like every time I step I'm stepping on a shoe lace and tumbling over myself (always on the brink of falling down, but never actually falling). The worse part is -- nothing's wrong.

My hair is falling my eyes perfectly. My waist is getting smaller. I'm being quiet at the right times and loud at the others. I'm wearing matching clothes and smiling.

The other night, driving home from work (at 2am after a late night set up for christmas) I started to bawl. Literally just cry out loud. While this isn't that unusual, I always feel it building up. But this day had been perfect. I had gotten to do all of the boards in the store (my favorite task) and everyone agreed they were beautiful and I took pride in something for once.

I'm hoping, just like a small child, I was exhausted.

Because my grades are good, my job is good, my life is good, and I have no reason to complain, ya know? I'm just hoping it's not permanent.

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