late nights and loud fights
it's all just a blur

1:33 p.m. | 2005-11-07
You Don't Know What You've Done

"I'm a handful you don't want."

My voice paused and I felt myself holding my breath (I do this in a very covert way so that you'd never notice until I fell over). I blinked slowly and looked at him. He stared back, he didn't realize what I was doing, he didn't get why I'd say that.

He opened his mouth to respond but he couldn't bring himself to.

I continued on explaining to him that I'm just too much. That we don't get along. That I have a work schedule and a school schedule that barely leaves me time to drive from place to place let alone see someone. I told him that I'd made the mistake, and that I'd walked too far down that path knowing what I was doing.

I told him I was sorry.

He wouldn't hear it. He told me that I was crazy and that I was the one making the mistake. Worst part? He didn't tell me I was stupid and that I should stop all this nonsense and that he really was good for me. He just insulted me by telling me things that are true. That's I'm coming up with excuses that aren't real and being irrational and mean.

But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm open, I always have been, but he just wasn't right for me. He spelled "you're" as "your" and I couldn't understand him half the time, and while I'm a sexual person (much more than most women) he would make advances at all the wrong times and not make them at all the wrong ones.

He didn't make me smile and I feel terrible for ending something that was nothing with him. How is that possible?

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