9:52 p.m. | 2004-09-04
She Said Don't...
It's kind of odd how I refuse to let go. How I won't admit to things and would rather sit here and have Laura's main number as her home number in my cell phone, even though I won't be calling her at home for at least 4 months.
I figured something out the other day. I left these people once, I went to Boston without them--all by myself. I wasn't scared and worse than that? I didn't say goodbye. I was so scared of saying that to them (even though I had convinced myself I wouldn't miss these people) I never did. I left. Alone. I said goodbye to one person. The one person that spawned this whole writing escapade, in fact.
That was just because he was the last person I saw. I made no effort to say goodbye. And while I was leaving to a town I'd been to once or twice, and to live with two people I'd never met or even really talked to--I was ok with that. I felt fine. But the other night I came to realize something. All of my friends are doing the same things, they're packing, and moving off to foreign destinations, and saying goodbye to me along with others. When I left them--the majority of them were seniors. They did things with their years and they still had people there.
The only people I'm going to be left with are those who happen to go to college in the area. Don't get me wrong, though, I don't blame these people for leaving, and I don't blame the way I feel on them either--I just wish I didn't feel this way.
Luckily those I'm left with are some of the cream of the crop of my friends. They're some of the best people I know, and while some of them are gone/aren't available (reference: Jamie, Colin, Laura, David, Nat, Will...) I'll be ok. I'll survive, and I'll make it through (reference: Andy, Logan, Kyle, and even Jessa and Connie).
I just feel bad that I sort of did the same thing to these people--but I never said goodbye. I know I would have broken down, but the least I could have done was said goodbye, right?
Well. Bye.
