1:51 p.m. | 2004-03-06
Find Me Someone To Love
I woke up this morning and felt a bit guilty for some reason. Things didn't get better as I went downstairs and talked with my mother, ate breakfast, and then turned on the computer.
My morning ritual. Looking for messages people had left, emails they had sent, or anything I needed to know. I opened up my browser, clicked on my handy d-land link and came upon an entry by our favorite diarists: Girls-Suck.
I'm female, yes. I think girls suck. I think we do tons of horrible terrible things. I can't help but feel, though, that I'm not completely in that category of "suck."
My comments to his thoughts are as follows:
My whole life I have wanted love to be a universal truth, something that doesn't need to be debated, and doesn't get questioned. No room for wonder, or past regrets. No room for freeze dried feelings kept protected by memory which distorts as time goes on.
That two people both have the same understanding, and commitment to the other without wondering doubts that lay at night.
To know a male thinks as such is. Wonderfully comforting. I think there's no disagreement that both sexes want it. Or that every person out there wants someone to be there, and to trust them completely.
Where I seem to find myself disagreeing and straying from what he says is when he seems to describe the malicious nature of the female. Even more the fact that relationships seem to fizzle out. I agree with the following:
Once you can be had, have been had, are understood like all good lovers should, you are immediately not something else.
It's a sad and morbid thought, but it fits. The only problem I have is when you he goes on to state that:
The repeating theme is that everything is fine for a year or two, and then she starts looking for what I cannot give her.
In my relationships I have found that yes, after a certain amount of time you start to wonder what's best. Who's for you, and even more if there's better. But a strong and confident person can know what they want. And even though they may doubt it, or think that there's better, they would never go endangering the heart of another simply because "there could be more out there."
I too want love to be a universal truth. But I know it's not. I know we're human and we have our struggle whilst dealing with each other. It's nature. But I hope that I have the decency to not be teasing and pulling someone along simply because "there could be better." I think I'm a bit better of a human than that.
I want to remember love with no deteriation. I want people to know that I lack, and that everyone lacks and that lacking is a way of nature. I want someone to love me for who I am, worthy and valuable. But I know not everyone can. I especially know that at this age (where things are free, and life is easy) that love is not a particularly sustainable thing.
Love is an ideality. Something we look for. Something we tire of when it doesn't fit anymore. Something that we want in perfection so badly we end up making it fake in the end.
I want to fall in love. I want to feel that rush, that excitement, that slight tinge of fear. But I want it to continue. I want it to be something stable and caring. I know it won't stay exciting forever, but I hope that in its changes that it will be one thing. Simply one.
Loving.
Signing off�Lauren
