2:08 p.m. | 2004-03-01
It's Days Like These That Make Me Think I've Lived The Best Days of My Life
I guess I simply had to get that out of my system. In that whole realm of growing up thing I guess it's simply assumed that you go back and look at your parents.
Make no mistake, though, this isn't just me saying I love them, or I realize what they did--I do realize what they did...they hurt me. My mother has been as insane as ever.
When I got here things were good, she didn't mind me coming home at 3 am and whatever, that didn't bother her. Well, that lasted a day at least.
It could have been that I did it on my first night home. Oops. I got home from Nat's at about midnight and Gabe called me about 30 minutes later and he's all 'hey! come over!' Keep in mind this kid has never asked me to come over. Perhaps the stress should have been on ask. I say no, as I felt brazen and bold and remembered some words I'd written about him--I said no. He pressured, I said no. He offered several things...of the more sexual nature...I said no. Where was I 20 minutes later? At his house.
I don't want to go into what happened, but needless to say nothing went on.
I went to bed and got up for my massage early. Life went on...what can I say. I don't know whether or not he's happy with his new girlfriend. I don't know whether or not he's satisfied with his new job. I don't know.
It's not so much that I want him to want be again...it's more that I want someone to. I have the options, sadly. None of them are really open right now, though.
I'm starting to think I'm fading away.
Signing Off--Lauren
