late nights and loud fights
it's all just a blur

10:17 p.m. | 2006-08-11

I started to learn how to cook very young. I had conquered toast at 2 and moved on to mac and cheese by 4. It was more or less because my parents were rarely there and I was very independant. It just came naturally. I learned to smell and hear what things sounded like (did you know browning has a sound?). I started to really enjoy cooking and have these amazingly creative ideas (ie last thanksgiving's orange themed turkey). But...

See I have talent. And I drizzle chocolate on my dessert plates before I give them out and all that but...I've always had this dream of being a chef. I'm great with a knife. I cut like a pro (even with ok knives) and I'm positive I could make it through art school for cooking...

But I don't have faith that I'd be amazing. I don't think I could cut it. I think I might even sabotage myself with negative thinking. But I still have these dreams. These thoughts of people drooling over what I made and coming over because they knew I could cook (and they do, don't get me wrong).

I just want to be known for something again. I want people to say "oh, the one who..." and I always thought food would be a great place to do that.

I figure at some point I'll make tons of money and be able to practice as much as I want and try crazy recipes and maybe even follow a recipe for once.

It's just...I'm impatient. And I want it now.

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