late nights and loud fights
it's all just a blur

11:18 p.m. | 2006-07-16
I Wonder if it Lasts

I saw your heart tonight -- over old Wallflowers songs and the smell of stale french fries.

I don't know what brought me so close to the edge but I felt you leaning that way and I figured I'd better follow (I mean, what can I lose you're "dating" the "most amazing girl you've ever met"). I have the most amazing things in my head -- and I don't even need to be high to see them.

There was me remembering where I was when I heard this CD. I remember what I was wearing and how I felt and everything that enveloped that moment (soft blonde hair, a grey t-shirt I loved, overalls that were not over-at-all but hanging limp over my legs and a pouty lip and slight look of tears in my eyes).

I wish I still knew people from back then. Someone who could see how I've changed and what I've learned. Someone to know that I still don't like oreos (and feel incredibly left out of things sometimes because of that) but that I've gone from that strange and awkward little girl who wore body suits (why?) to the great looking chic with the slightly curly hair (sometimes) and the puffed up pony tail and great eyeliner and awesome shoes.

I wish I had someone (at all) that I could feel comfortable sharing these things with. Someone to boast to and feel narcissistic with. Did you know that I own very little "normal" underwear? They're all lace, and pretty, and ribbons, and wonderfully not those old worn out cotton things. Did you know that my ass is literally rock hard? Did you know that I can make exactly 24 things without a recipe? Did you know that I'm very good at things that need minute adjustments (video games, driving, ping pong)?

And none of these are really that important -- at all in fact -- I just have been finding that what I miss most about being with someone isn't sharing my bed, or sex, or appreciation. It's that look. It's the comfort you have that they're there. Literally there.

"Only people of a certain disposition are frightened of being alone for the rest of their lives at the age of 26."

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