late nights and loud fights
it's all just a blur

9:27 a.m. | 2006-01-13
Catch My Disease

Getting up at 6 am provides you lots of time to get many things done.

I got another glimpse of being grown up this morning as I was packing lunches, laughing, making stuffed french toast and dressing the youngest one for 50's day. I sent them off with waves and smiles and sighed as I finished cleaning up the kitchen.

I hope it feels this wonderful when I get here for real. But I'm going to change my tune. I'm willing to wait. Because, just like when you get that new electronic device, I'd much rather sit down for an hour and read the manual back to front. I'd much rather take my time getting there. I'd much rather let it happen than find some guy and get this dream and then divorce him when we're 35.

I'm willing to wait for this sort of imperfect perfection.

It's the first time I've ever felt like this (been willing to hold this insatiable need inside and wait until it's appropriate). While it's new and exciting and I think I like it I can only hope that it'll continue.

Because at 20 I'm supposed to be submerged in eating out and drinking and staying up late. Currently I make almost all of my meals, drink a glass of red wine, and tape Law & Order VHS style. I'm far from what most people are at my age and I like that. I'm different and special.

And you love me.

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