late nights and loud fights
it's all just a blur

1:16 p.m. | 2005-11-14
When You Were Little, Did You Think of Leaving?

I'm watching a tiny front come over the hills right now. Literally glancing out of the window every five minutes to see if it's any closer.

They said snow.

Those snotty, wonderfull, pretentious announcers on NPR said...snow. I almost died as I turned the radio up at 4 am and screamed, "PLEASE" all alone in my car (not intending it for anyone, if anyone was even awake at that point).

Noticed how I've devolved into weather, recently? Almost entirely infact? Did you know Devo (the 80's band) was named after de-evolution and the theory thereof? Still, why weather?

Because the only thing that's keeping me from literally getting in my car is something positive here. I have to stay here so I keep trying to convince myself that if this one thing happens--I'll be ok. We all know it isn't true but I sure as hell know I'll be a lot happier than I am now.

Glancing out the window again (my ipod lightly singing alt-country songs in my ears sometimes bringing me near tears) I see the trail of a cloud coming over the mountains, is it precipitation? A low flying cloud? Snow? Where's my thermometer when I need it? Time and temp, does anyone remember the number? Is it below freezing? My warm wool sweater fools my head, so maybe it IS that cold. Maybe.

Fuck, I don't know. Since when did my smile depend on some water falling from the sky (in any form)?

Oh. That's right. All my life.

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