late nights and loud fights
it's all just a blur

11:10 a.m. | 2005-11-06
Football in the Background

Squirrels have been devouring my pumpkins since the day after halloween.

I've watched them carry little Nemo's face away, and then his top, and then proceed to eat away the entire entrance to the pumpkin. I come home on my bike to find one sitting inside and peering out at me. While I do think it's rather adorable (and hell, if I were a squirrel, what a treat) I also find it sort of disheartening. Because this year, more than most, I have made a point of realizing how terribly ugly this place is.

Between the people, the social scene, and the especially the weather...I'm having a really hard time swallowing this town.

It's the sixth of November and it hasn't snowed here. We have this funny comment that everyone native knows -- it always snows on halloween. Every child's costume is adorned with a heavy jacket and sorel boots. This year the kids were wearing regular old costumes. In fact I was wearing a t-shirt and jeans. It wasn't cold. It didn't snow.

Our first snow is always the third week of October. Where's my snow? It's the one saving grace of this season and I haven't gotten a flake of it.

I was lucky on Friday that I wore my bangs in my eyes. I was lucky I straightened my hair so it fell into my face because I broke down in tears in public. I never do that. I don't cry for just anyone. In fact I usually only cry for me. But when he got up on his toes and mumbled, "...I guess I'll leave you in Colorado, with this Monday morning fog..." I lost it.

A completely acoustic set. A boy with a sore throat and a raspy voice. And he had to sing that song (he admitted to us that he never sang it live, but had to because he was...well here). So there I was, silent tears falling down my cheeks and it reminds me of how much more unhappy I am than I have been.

Because I'm about 20% happy right now. You have a one on five chance of hitting me on a good mood. The rest is variations of upset and actual upset.

Hurry up new year. Because I'm not sure I'll make it through.

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