late nights and loud fights
it's all just a blur

10:29 p.m. | 2005-10-18
I Just Wanted To Sleep With You; But Now I Want Someone to Hold

I sleep as if I'm sleeping with someone.

I switched to a queen or king sized bed when I was 13. I moved in with my mother when my parents divorced and I had a queen. At my father's I had a king (spoiled, I know). But no matter what I sleep as if someone else was beside me.

I thought about this tonight as I was sitting in bed reading. I could have easily been reading from the center of my bed (the best part of the bed, where all the pillows are located), but I was off center. And the pillows are even, one big and one medium on each side.

Who's on the other side?

It then dawned on me. I've had the ability to sprawl all over the bed for years and I have never taken the chance. Even sleeping in my dorm I curled up to one side of the mattress or the other. I have had free and complete reign of my mattress for years and I have yet to take advantage of it.

So I shifted to the center.

I read there for a little bit, fussed with the pillows and rolled my eyes as I had to stretch two more inches to reach my water. I was ridiculous. I moved back over to "my side" so that I wouldn't be in the way and I put my head on the pillow.

I am ever so alone and ever more so because I've secluded myself from all that is good and real. I am destined to be that old lady who sits on her side of her bed every night all alone.

Maybe I should get a cat.

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