late nights and loud fights
it's all just a blur

11:04 p.m. | 2005-09-28
Starting From Zero Got Nothing To Lose (Except Everything)

The wind was bitter as it stung at my already cold cheeks and chilled just the tips of my fingers (those ever-so-hip gloves without the fingers) as I drove 65 in a 40.

My windows down. The air colder than it should be for the season (rain earlier). I always hold my cigarette left handed (because I drive?). Even when I sit on the porch it's in my left hand. My one finger crooked against the other in the way I see guys hold theirs, not females (did you teach me that?).

The flowers on my desk are dead. I'm shivering from being outside for so long. I'm contemplating leaving forever. Would it be wrong of me not to invite him to my wedding? I keep getting dizzy lately.

What do I have to fear?

Then why am I so afraid? This battle between head and heart is getting old and tiring and to the point where I don't even want to stand up anymore let alone lift a finger.

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