late nights and loud fights
it's all just a blur

10:19 a.m. | 2005-07-14
I Miss Your Hair You Miss My Eyes

I realized the ironic nature of all this when working this morning.

See we have this new promotion in our district where we give each other these cards for what we do well. I've been happily chugging along point out things in people that I think I only notice and love and giving more to those I truly think are some of the most amazing people I've ever met.

There are 5 categories.

I have 2 "Knowledgeable" cards that show I know my product inside and out. I got the first card ever in our district handed to me by an upper manager who was visiting our store for being "Welcoming." I have an "Involved" card to show for all my community service and 3 "Considerate" cards. The card I'm missing?


I am the most and least genuine person I know. Because I put on a great face when I want to. But I honestly do love and care for people I barely know.

I lie to cover my ass and grin as no one realizes what I just did. It's upsetting and it hurts and it's one thing I really want to change about myself, but I find my own self embodying it daily. Because sometimes I can't stand the company of people that push me over the edge. People who spend their lives in cat fights or people who even though they accidentally had a child young and are now divorced at 25 still want to go out and hardcore party on Wednesday nights. I can't stomach those people some days.

And I love to act. So give me the chance to act for them and I feel terribly satisfied that I'm pulling the wool over their eyes. But there's still a problem.

There's usually that good friend and the person I don't want to have seeing me do this standing right next to us. I get over with this whole show, sometimes mocking them (and they never get it) and turning with a grin until I see that person's face. Because they know what I just did, and while I didn't do it to them, can I still apologize? Should I return to the stupidity I just mocked and say, 'look, I'm sorry.'

Luckily that person's not standing there always. But I hate it when they are.

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