late nights and loud fights
it's all just a blur

1:58 p.m. | 2005-06-13
We Were Blind.

I hate how experiences lose their glory.

Especially the ones you really really like. I was thinking this one over today about how there were some times in my life that felt so good in the moment, that were possibly the best I've ever felt, and the more and more I look back on them they were some of the smallest most insignificant interactions I could have had. Even worse, the feelings I had for the situation were most likely one sided.

His eyes were droopy and intent not because he was thinking about the deep things I had said or because my eyes were just too pretty to not stare at. His eyes looked like that, and his position (constantly moving) was because he was tired, and it was 4 in the morning. I was covered in this fog of intelligence and being tired myself and I thought all of these things I was saying were just monumental. He didn't hear most of them.

And I thought we had this connection, and it's not that we don't (in fact, I'm pretty sure we do) it's just that it wasn't what I felt it was. I haven't talked to him since and I haven't found out that he doesn't care or none of this really mattered, it's just that even from my perspective looking back on that situation all I can see is my own clouded judgment.

It just felt so good in that moment, like when you get everything you want and it's perfect? It felt so complete and so interesting and so life altering. Two days later it was just three kids sitting in a kitchen at three in the morning.

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