11:20 a.m. | 2005-03-29
I'll Be Enlightened Later; Right Now I'm Just Smiling
As we grow we try to put terms to ourselves. Coming to terms with the bad ones like "stubborn" and learning to appreciate the good ones like "compassionate."
This has been throwing me through a loop recently. I'll refer to myself as one thing one day and the next day look back at it and be utterly confused.
A lot of my decisions are made without thought, that's true. But in all reality I think through all of my actions. I love to watch people but I get too caught up in action sometimes and can't even watch my own actions let alone other people's. One day I'll be very cool, calm and relaxed and the next I'll be a ball of anxiety.
It's frustrating when all I want is to be able to say "I am..."
Because I am nothing. I am no one thing. Because every day I'm doing something to contradict myself and can rarely find a sentence that fits me perfectly.
And I won't waste words getting there either. Because life is too long of a road to spend half of it smelling the daises on the side just wondering whether or not I like it.
