late nights and loud fights
it's all just a blur

9:41 p.m. | 2004-10-28
Time is Precious

I drove home with nervous eyes in my rear-view mirror. I watched as he followed me and I cringed as I was stuck at a red light and he neared. I closed my eyes momentarily to keep from crying as he pulled up next to me, boxing me in. What would I do if this really was the end? What would I say, and why am I so unprepared?

Work had gone fine, closing earlier than usual, and I had just realized the irony in that. As my co-worker and I headed out to our cars (she walking farther in front of me as I had to lock the door) I heard a noise. A large v8 engine was on the main drive and I saw him turn on his signal and enter our parking lot (we're the only thing open at this hour, the pizza shop is even closed). I looked at my co-worker as I neared her and she noticed the noise as he rolled down his window. "Hey, I have a question," his slightly accented voice called, I paused, "what?" I was 200 feet away from him and didn't feel safe, I cleared my throat. He then said in the slimiest voice possible...

"C'mere, it'll only take a minute."

I cringed and I looked at my co-worker and said sternly, "get in your car and lock the doors." I let her get in allowing me to get in and promptly locked my door. He looked at us more, blocking our exit I just yearned for some sort of escape. I motioned at her to start to move as he did and she gunned it back and I gunned it forward and I was racing to follow her out of the parking lot. I followed her out to make sure he didn't follow her. And at 9:30 pm in a small town, this is rather unusual.

I go right and she goes left and I see him ahead. Fuck. I go into the left turn lane, he's headed straight. As the light turns green he switches to my lane. I turn, I accelerate, I worry about the police and the fact that I don't have my license and I get a chance to write down his license plate and his 'am I a safe driver' number. I'm currently thumbing it in my hand.

He follows me with every turn. A little behind a little ahead, he's with me, and he's not trying to prove me wrong. He wants me to know. I want to cry but I remain strong and I pull into the parking lot at our local Super Wal-Mart. It's the only place I can think of that's got a well lit parking lot and is guaranteed to have a lot of people. I quickly dart for the holiday aisle immersing myself in the things I see, walking zig zags, confusing even myself. I end up in automotive as I realize I've backed myself into a corner.

I stood there paralized until a Wal-Mart employee asked me if he could help me with anything. I turned down his help and walked back to the entrance of the store, glancing at the parking lot before I headed to my car. The van wasn't there. I had seen it come into the parking lot, but it wasn't there.

I got to my car again and I floored it home. I took every back road I could find and that I knew and I didn't see him once. I pulled into the garage with precision and closed the door as I ran inside and turned off all the lights.

I have yet to cry but I feel like I need to every other second. I keep calling this safe driver line and they say they're not 24 hour. But I can leave a message and they'll call me back.

I suppose I'm just being dramatic, but even a small man in a truck can scare me shitless. I'm calling my manager tomorrow and telling him that we close together. We park in the front by a light. And we never go out after 9 alone. EVER. Because as my co-worker got into her car and as I followed her out, one thing was clear...I was not going to let him get her. I'd ram the side of his car before he touched her and I have no attachment to this girl. I just can't see someone doing that. And if I could prevent it, I would.

All of the lights are off and I'm afraid to turn them back on for fear that he'll find me.

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