11:44 a.m. | 2004-09-30
You Can Tell A Real Heartbreak Because You Can't Breathe
He has the ability to reduce me to tears on a day when nothing could go wrong. When everyone at work loved me, my hair looked great even though it wasn't washed, and my eye makeup was the most punk rock chic I'd ever done.
He has me sitting here sobbing. Because I was a terrible selfish person, and I gave him something and took it away. In his words, I gave him the best thing he'd ever had, and then took it away. All because I was selfish.
I could have stayed in Boston. I could have still gone to that college and I could have lived with Jamie and seen Colin all too often. But I didn't. I chose to come back here. I chose to try and change myself and to fix things I'd broken. And in the process I broke something else.
I might as well sit down and stop moving because everytime I seem to change my position I break something or someone. And I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I hurt you Colin. I'm sorry that the way I talk to you is a tease because you fear that I'm never coming back. I'm sorry that I'm that much of a stress in your life. Perhaps you're right, perhaps we shouldn't talk to each other ever again. Perhaps we should just back away so nothing gets any more attached and we can all just move on. Lord knows it's not what I want to do, but if it'll hurt you less, I'll do it.
'Cause I'll do anything for you.
Anything, Colin, anything.
Just don't make me cry anymore.
