1:03 a.m. | 2004-09-19
My Desktop is Just Short of Genius
You know what just screams that a situation isn't right?
When there's a situation with a boy that never ever ever seems to work out right. And it's because of him--not you of course. I mean, a "good" boy for oneself should at the very least feel good sometimes, right? You shouldn't feel like you're forcing it, or not having fun, or calling too much or whatever. A "good" boy would have problems sometimes--but not all the time.
So tonight, I proactively (as part of my, 'hi i'm lauren and i'm addicted to gabe' program) call him tonight to just see what's up. See if maybe later he wants to shoot the shit. Only I'm a sneaky little one, so I drive by his house first to see if he's home. He's home. So I give him a little ring as I drive away from his house, laughing at how clever I am.
We talk, he offers dinner or something past midnight, and I say, "oh why that'd be fabulous!" And so we go on our merry way, I'm suppose to call him along the 12 hour. So 12 comes, and I watch it come, and I laugh as I see him come online (undoubtedly looking for me) and watch my idle status just count as I can just itch that I feel his anxious nature.
I mean, I'm proactive here. I'm being a terrible horrible person by putting bait out there with absolutely no intention of sleeping or doing anything with him. And I'm loving every second of it. So 12:20 comes around and I decide I've had enough as well as he has. So I go outside (cell phone reception is much better out there) and I get in my car, just pull out 'cause I'm wierd like that and give him a call.
We have a conversation along the lines of, "hey dollface!" he groggily replies, "hello..." and I say, "babe, you sound tired," and he replies, "yeah." And I ponder a second and go, "were you sleeping?" and he replies, "just about." Feeling absolutely terrible that I was about to put my ego boost in front of his sleep I promptly tell him I love him and to go to bed. He laughs and says, "ok." I told him I'd talk to him later.
So another night. It didn't work last time. Nor the time before, nor any of the other times I've ever tried with this boy! I'm about to give up because it just never ever works out! I have a chance about every 2 and a 1/2 weeks (that's how our little clock runs) to talk to him without seeming too "stalkerish." So now that we've fucked over this month's visit...I'll have to wait. I'm so not patient right now.
This boy drives me up the walls, I just wanted to test my wills and I'm not even allowed to do that. Damnit.
Oh I'm so glad the Gabe drama's back, at least I have something to vent about. Heh.
