late nights and loud fights
it's all just a blur

8:08 p.m. | 2004-08-23
This Is My Final Homage To You

So I re-read like the last MONTH in entries. Not that reading that much is an accomplishment, it's just: I was a whiney bitch! Ok, so there were some emo moments (*tear*, Gabriel), and I hope you know, dear reader, that dramatic moments are what I live for.

But I decided to avoid the emo. And do you know what I decided to do? Well, first off I created a painting page, which I appologize for leaving up for so long, I had no time to make this to cover it up. It's about a third of all the paintings I've ever done, and I can see improvement with each one, and painting's something I love to do--really.

But then I thought. Wait, I have brown hair! (Really, this was the thought process, I swear) And I remembered that I had bought a digital camera (hence pictures of art) but I had done nothing of myself. So I took some party pictures, I fucked around a bit by myself, and I added the following to my pictures page:


Not on the pictures page, but I figured you'd like to see what I stare at right? Note: Jim Carrey, the clean desktop, and the four programs open (Adobe Photoshop 7, iTunes, MSN Explorer--the browser of choice-- and AIM).


Jamie was right, this does look like an amateur porn picture. Heh. No, I'm just drunk, and it shows the color of the hair well (and my apparantly drooping eye).


When I don't have time to shower before work in the morning--I wear pigtails. This is me post 6 espresso shots, 0 sleep, and feeling just a bit loopy.


Oh cropping--what fun you are! It's my eye! And nose-ring! Whoa!


Just felt more artistic, I suppose.


In the car, relaxing, and I felt like playing with the camera at a stoplight. So that's me biting my lip and wearing my ever so classic Panama Jacks. I love those sunglasses, so Betty Ford Recovery Center.

Really. I just wanted to not be real for once. I wanted to be happy, and to look pretty, and to...I dunno, not cry about Gabe for once. He did come over last night, though. And we sat outside in the ever so cold summer eve for 3 hours. And I didn't sleep before work. And he and I just talked, cryptically as usual, about everything. About whether or not he's going, and I fear that I'm going to have to be strong enough to be the person he says I am.

I should have stood more tall from the beginning. Said no to this and no to that, and been his rock all of the time. All of the time. Not for moments like I was. Because one second it'd be me as his rock, the next it'd be me giving him oral. And if that's not confusing for either side, I don't know what is.

So, I suppose this was my silly stupid "lol" kind of entry where I just say--today, has no purpose, so what.

ps, do I not have the most kicking beauty mark? So lucky, oh so lucky...

ante / comment / post