10:14 a.m. | 2004-07-27
Elevator Music Always Resounds Through My Ears All Day Long
Ever been in love?
I have.
Or at least I think I have. But I sure as hell know that I've felt deeper than this. I sure as hell know that I was more confident in my hopes and dreams and desires for that boy I was in love with than I have with this new boy we call Gabe.
I know that he just jerks me around, because he's never paid attention to me...it's like a lost love I can never say I loved.
He's a great person, don't get me wrong. I'll defend him until the day I die...but he treats me with utter disrespect sometimes. Though never blatantly (the more silent, more destructive, more evil kind instead).
And yet I find myself pining over him. Wanting him. Needing him. Hearing his words over and over again...
"You're so sexy..."
"I love your hair, it's always so soft--like silk..."
"You're too good to me..."
"I just wish I could meet a girl more like you somedays..."
"I just called to tell you that you're beautiful, and one of the best people I know..."
I haven't seen him in a week. Granted I've stopped counting the days--I haven't seen him in a long time. And yet I can't get my mind off of him. I see anything that even resembles his car and I about break into tears.
How and when did I become so weak? And why am I not weak enough to crumble and just call him to be with me?
I don't remember changing. I don't remember becoming this big of a pussy, I really don't. I was always the strong one. Sure you may not have seen that side here, but I was always, and mostly still am, the girl who just deals and stays strong through it all.
So when the fuck did I start to think that loving you would end my world?
