10:40 p.m. | 2004-06-27
Step by Step
I promised more, right?
Well here I stand. Stand and deliver baby, stand and deliver.
Well you see. I was accepted to CU after all. They do want me. (Though at this point I'm not sure where I put the acceptance papers, in one of my rushes to clean up for guests they've been...misplaced).
The date to decide:
7/04/04
So, here I go again...attempting to organize the pro's and con's; a sort of thinking it out process, and letting you know what I'm scared of and where I'm headed.
University of Colorado
pro's:
[Location, Comfort, Friends] I'd be close to home (50 minutes) but I'd be away. It's a hip college town with tons of parties. It offers entertainment, a new roomate (I'd be dorming it), and a close nature to home, along with friends who already go to CU. In general, I don't think it'd be too challenging, but it'd be fun at the same time.
con's:
[Location, Friends, Dorm] I'd be surrounded by people I already know. It wouldn't be hard to simply keep my friends that I already have and not make new ones. I'd also still be dorm living, which kinda sorta sucks. I wouldn't be in the business program, but rather as an open major (but at this point, that may be better).
Year Off
pro's:
[Cost, Life Experience, Challenge] Everyone who took a year off to do something--says they wouldn't trade it for the world. This "wasn't in the plan" which makes me a bit uneasy, but excited at the same time. I'd be able to earn money, play around a bit, and in general enjoy myself while trying to re-create myself and struggle to survive. There would be no rent, I'd have to take over my cell phone bill and my insurance cost...but I'd be getting a year in.
con's:
[Work, Fort Collins, Delay] I'd be putting my education on hold, and I'd be hoping and praying that I will want to go back. I'd be in the same town for a year, which may change my perspective either way (going to love it or hate it). I'd have some friends around me, though none that I would hate to have near me. But I'd be putting myself on hold. And I'm scared I won't like it (which almost makes it tempting). I'd be working: a lot. Either the two jobs that I have now (Inta Juice and Starbucks) or a 9-5 at Heska (as a receptionist etc, at $10 an hour) and then evenings at Starbucks or Inta.
Where do I go. What do I want to do. Why am I itching to take a year off that I know I'm gonna go crazy in? I hate not being busy. Hate it. And I'd hate to leave Inta Juice or Starbucks. But if they can't give me the hours to earn the money I feel is sufficient...I'm not sure what to do.
I feel like sitting down and graphing out my life. Putting my plan down and plotting my life into tiny centimeter by centimeter squares. My life wouldn't fit into squares, and I'm starting to realize that.
My life, in squares, and by making lists I'm just daring it to fit, shoving every corner in that I can, and making it work.
Signing Off--Lauren
