12:12 a.m. | 2004-04-28
When Did You Become So Common?
I have this odd thing for reading all of my updates before I go about updating my site.
It's simple as pie.
So, I suppose that's my excuse for not writing. That and I had to go through about 7 boxes of tissues. I'm not allowed to show you here what she wrote there. All I can say is that today I cried again. I had been so good. All the way home I had been so good.
I pulled away from Boston with a smile. Not caring that Colin had never said goodbye, not caring that Jamie and I would be seperated not only by distance but by dial-up for weeks if not months.
I was surprised I didn't break down. Watching her there I cried, she didn't, I did, I was bawling and all she could do was smile. I was so emotionally torn, hoping with every fiber of my being that I had made the right decision.
She made it good for me. She made my days.
Sure there were great other memories. But who else would not mock me for bringing my own seasoning salt to the caf. And cocoa puff fights? Who could forget the cocoa puff fights. Those nights we spent learning our friendship, only to move away. She made that goodbye so worthwhile.
I don't want to shift the focus from her. But this thing was meant to remind me of frustration and happiness alike.
All I'm going to say is anyone who leaves me with the last words "what is this..." when there was a planned goodbye--hurts me. There was no effort to offer me a smile. There was no words of goodbye. I don't care if it was hard for you to do, do me the favor of saying goodbye. Since you think we'll never talk to each other again, put some fucking finality on it.
Someone I loved left me well. Someone I loved left me in pain. I guess it's just the way of the world. Something we learn to deal with, something we learn to get over. Just...next time any of you go to say goodbye...say it, hug me and say it, don't go back to bed.
Fuck bed.
*note: I will be in Hawaii from the 29th until the 9th, so expect no updates or the like, but feel free to leave me notes and wish me a great trip and all. Love you!*
