3:56 p.m. | 2004-04-14
Somewhere In Middle America
Her life had become mediocre
She no longer learned
She didn�t hope
Her life had become mediocre
And she never noticed
I have these headphones. They're warm. And they're soft. And they cover my ears so completely that I don't have to deal with life.
They are my covers. I can blast hard rock, I can play chopin, I can do whatever I want--and not be judged. They let me escape. They hold me, comfortably, and protect me from everything that would hurt me or make me cry.
My eyes don't do the same. They let me still see the small actions that people do, the looks that people give, and the anger that they hold deep inside of them.
That's why I distract myself. That's why I put on my headphones, which make me smile, and avoid their gaze at all costs. They judge me--but that judgement isn't me.
They don't deserve to know me. No one does. And they won't.
I won't pull away, I'll be that same mostly full person to everyone; and that will be all they get, and all they deserve.
I wasn't hurt. I wasn't made fun of. I wasn't insulted. I didn't have a bad day. Things didn't become so overwhelming that I wanted to cry.
I'm not ok.
But I am. I'm me and I'm going through this huge change (that's been going on for months) where I seem to be becoming an adult. Not a semi-adult. Not like I was in high school where I just acted like an adult, but a real, full fledged, boring, adult.
But that image is great. And that image is ok with me, I just have to make that transition slowly.
Adulthood here I come.
Signing Off--Lauren
