1:25 p.m. | 2004-04-11
"We Really Have To Figure This Out...Soon"
I honestly don't know what has gotten into me.
I think all this diary reviewing (for those of you who left because of my horrid content I review for Diary Reviews along with my own site Lime Reviews and my more lucrative one for business sites).
It's the diary one that's getting to me, though. I read these entries of people who are making it, people who are succeeding in life--and I get jealous. Then I review the diaries of 14 year olds who are sleeping with people and drinking, and etc. and I feel better than them. Like I'm a better person, which is an insane thing to say--but it leads me to feel bad about feeling better than anyone else.
Then this god damned diary which was supposed to be for me, for my own fucking words has managed to morph into something public, where people read and people comment and email and the like and it's left me sitting here wondering what I can say.
I have to impress you. There's no choice.
Here's where I have a problem: I love that people read it. I just...sometimes feel like I can't. Like I have to update daily, like I have to tell you what's going on, like I have to be the most important with things going on all the time. I remember the days when I'd go weeks without touching a computer.
Now, has there been a 24 hour period where I haven't?
I disgust myself because I'm supposed to be cooler than that. I'm supposed to have my own life. I had a life in Colorado, why the second I move to Boston does it go away?
Now I sit here shoving lucky charms in my mouth as I just hope and pray that this isn't permanent.
I'm not going away. I'll most likely update tomorrow with an apology. Don't stop reading. Don't go away.
I need you now more than ever.
Signing Off--Lauren
