late nights and loud fights
it's all just a blur

3:47 p.m. | 2004-02-02
Self Motivation Rocks My Casbah

Word of the Day for Monday February 2, 2004

quixotic kwik-SOT-ik, adjective:
1. Caught up in the romance of noble deeds and the pursuit of unreachable goals; foolishly impractical especially in the pursuit of ideals.
2. Capricious; impulsive; unpredictable.

Um...yes. So, sorry for the lack of updating. In essence, what happened: I ran off to New York to meet Laura and her mother on a last minute whim on the bus from our Chinatown to their Chinatown. Ten dollar bus ticket? Rock on! So that was...a rather whirlwind trip where I got to do a whole bunch and of course spend a whole bunch.

I have a feeling like I should be doing something, getting things done, but then I have this great urge to continue like I did this weekend.

I miss high school and the lack of real responsibility. Yearbook, homework, band, they didn't count. I literally (besides the job) had no real responsibility--and it was great. I could go wherever, do whatever, enjoy what I wanted to. I wanted to go to the Wired Bean and sit with friends for hours and do nothing? I could. I don't want to loose that ability.

Reminds of the decision weighing on me. I need to sit down and make another list. Start getting things done. For some reason right now...and I hate this feeling--but I look at my life, and for some reason I look down on everyone else's as...less. Not like they haven't gone through a lot, because a lot of the people I look around with are as high as me...there's a few--but most are below me. Just in that...I feel they either haven't gone through a ton, or don't understand what they may have gone through.

That sounds terribly judgemental. Awful in fact. I need to get all this crap out of my mind--do a certain self cleaning of sorts. Get all that little crap done, get rid of this heavy guilt I have.

So without any cohesive entry in tact, I leave. I'm not interested in this, but I need to get this crap done--and it will be done.

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