8:36 p.m. | 2004-01-29
When A Boy Looks You In The Eye and Says, "Yes You Look Really Good Today," Find The Heart To Believe Him
Word of the Day for Thursday January 29, 2004
soi-disant swah-dee-ZAHN, adjective:
Self-styled; so-called.
Oh god I miss this! Here's where it is people! HERE! I figured it out. These last few days have been angsty (yes, my new word) for several reasons. One, sexual tension (can't help it, just feel it). Two, the amount of times I've been used in the last few days. Between mental breakdowns and borrowing stuff--I was about to lose it.
Things that have been borrowed:
-Dave the Hoodie (w/o permission)
-My Northeastern Sweater (w/o permission)
-My popcorn (the stuff I bought for me, yes, me...and I bought as replacement for the stuff they'd already eaten)
-My caramels (which Kristin JUST did, reached into my drawer, grabbed one and then goes, 'oh, can I have one?' which was followed by Melissa asking for one)
-My Diet Coke (to be replaced, hasn't happened yet; won't happen either)
-My pretzels (no, no asking here either)
-My blanket and pillows (w/o asking)
-My markers (w/o asking)
This is a small list. I promise. It's much longer, that's just what I can think of off the top of my head. And actually, those which don't have a little 'w/o permission' tag were most likely without permission as well.
People that have had breakdowns in the last week or so:
-Laura
-Ian
-Nat
-Will
-David
That's just one week. I don't even know how to put that, I mean, ugh. I've become so sensitive to things--the things that used to slide off my back now stick. They now hurt. I've opened myself just about as far as I can open it--and people have just trampled right on in. It's sick that I enjoy it.
I just wanna shout, I wanna get myself out there, I wanna be that fool. I might just be that fool. I'm a fool in a different sense to say the least--I sit here and let this happen. Trying my hardest not to complain, but most days I don't even have the energy to do that. Perhaps it's a good time to take myself away, to play the saddest chords I've ever heard, to remedy it all, to cry the tears that have been stuck for months.
I fear that I have lost focus, though. In what I want, in where I am, in where I'm headed. I want satisfaction--but in what? Do I want love? Do I want motivation? Do I want people to be happy? Would I be satisfied with any of those?
Solution: get shit done. When the little shit is out of the way--I can think. It's always worked that way, and so it will continue to.
With that I be. Things to remind you of, though:
-x-lamie-x my new website adventure
-Moments Page still trying to get people in on this one; sounds like fun to me--I never wanna forget these days.
Signing Off--Lauren
