10:00 p.m. | 2003-11-17
Laundry Allows 40 Minutes For Thinking
Word of the Day for Monday November 17, 2003
felicitous fuh-LIS-uh-tuhs, adjective:
1. Suitably applied or expressed; appropriate; apt.
2. Happy; delightful; marked by good fortune.
Good day marked by generally good stuff. Finally took ahold of that urge to work out and went and I did it. I fear though that I might have scared a few people...I went and lifted leg style, and while I didn't do it quite to the extreme that I normally do, I've sadly lost a lot of strength, I still got looks. I was still kinda intimidated to go and play with any of the big big machines. There's are different than the ones I'm used to working with and I'm worried about getting in the way and getting those looks again. The ones I got all summer. Ugh.
I need to get into see the counselors as well, need to see if I can get into an exestentialism class, woo! Sounds like way fun, just as long as I don't have to take that stinky College Writing class. I'm going to die. I got a 6 on the IB test, which, for how horridly I wrote, I think is pretty good. But I'm still signed up for it. Frustrating.
I feel like moving into some life theory here, so as usual, I will, then maybe I'll do some CD reviews, oooh!
For a long time I've not really liked the word ok, simply because when I ask someone how they are, I care. And in fact, I want to hear that answer. So when someone says, 'ok' when I ask them, I always follow that up with, 'what kind of ok, bad ok, good ok?' And I find it silly that they automatically assume that I don't care, I mean, really silly. I'd use more profane words, but I'm trying to stop.
But it makes me think why we use that word, well supposedly it came from either a box of pancake mix or something, or from a campaign slogan around 1890. No one really knows. All rumors. But why that has come to be some commonplace, along with asking how your day was and not caring--simply bothers me. How could someone not care that much?
It bothers me when I start to think about how some people aren't caring. It's such a part of my nature that I don't see how you could live in such a selfish world like that. It hurts, even. That's what drives me to be that kind of person actually. And I was reminded of this the other day.
My parents were so far removed when it counted, either at work, or doing things that hurt that I learned a few things. One of those is that being hurt sucks, and that I don't want to feel that way. To make matters worse, I never want people around me to feel that way. And by people around me that deserve it I mean...since I have this insane need to fulfill my 'daddy doesn't love me' need, I have a need to make everyone love me, which makes me love everyone close to me. And to this day I still consider each and every one of them as important to me.
It's not a falsehood I live in, I truly can find a good part in everyone. I even like Stalin. Yes people, I think Stalin had some good qualities, and to piss off a whole lot more...I could give you some good qualities for Hitler too. Now Pol Pot gets a little sketchy, but I haven't researched him enough. He remains unknown in my mind. Nothing is hated. Nothing.
Makes for being used very easy. Though I don't really mind. I've not only gotten used to it, I like it. It's a sad kind of thought, but it makes people love me. And yes, I do feel bad that I think I have to do those sort of things to make them love me, but I'm sorry I don't think I have that much else to offer.
Now that I've thorougly made myself introspective and a little sad, I'm going to finish some laundry and think some more. Updates later, perhaps.
Signing Off--Lauren
And in case you missed this: Side Talking is the new thing to do! Rock on!
