2:05 a.m. | 2003-11-06
If I Could Scrunch My Eyebrows Well, I Would
Word of the Day for Wednesday November 5, 2003
avuncular uh-VUHNG-kyuh-luhr, adjective:
1. Of or pertaining to an uncle.
2. Resembling an uncle, especially in kindness or indulgence.
So I'm not going to comment on yesterday's entry. Just not gonna, I know normally if you leave me a note or something, I say thanks, I leave it somewhere or write you an e-mail or something, but I won't be returning anything on any of the e-mails I received besides, 'no comment, please see diary for answers.'
It hurt, that's all I can say, pain brought that on, and I'm not sure I want to deal with that, at all even. There goes another bottle full of pain down the ol' hatch.
Today was interesting. Had to find things to do with myself. Which was entertaining, though, I'd have to say after all the drama passed, one thing capped off the night.
I had a conversation with Colin...it's long and drawn out, and I don't want to put the whole thing on here, but he said some pretty offensive stuff, at least from my perspective. In my collection of personal beliefs I believe that I should care for everyone, no matter what. So when he goes about saying that he's nothing special, and saying that nothing good has happened to him since he's moved here, and that every time he makes a decision it's the wrong one...it starts to hurt.
The only thing I can think of is--if you make the wrong decision all the time, why not pick the other one every time? The answer is simple. In his head every answer is wrong. Because in life there are no right and wrong decisions, simply things that are biased a certain way, he emphasizes the bad. And it's not like he's a dramatic person, or like he's depressed or emotional, but he's a sort of closet pessimist. I try to talk to him about that, but he immediately shuts that out. Which brought me to a discovery tonight:
Close minded people bother me. A lot. The only times I'm upset at anyone is because they're being close minded. Ian for example, the only time I was REMOTELY upset at him was when he was doing that. I'm in a mood, but one I can't define.
Just to go off of that, I know Ian doesn't read this, (at first I thought that poster on my guestbook was his and I was all, crap!), but I thought I'd just say thanks, hope that vibe gets out there.
A lot has happened with Gabe since I last mentioned him, but I really don't feel the urge to update, might not even say more past the fact that we'll probably meet up this Thanksgiving.
My thoughts are so pragmatic right now. I don't know what it is about the whole situation...it all kinda started with a comment Melissa made...
Kristin colors her hair, it's a light brown, kinda mousey brown, but she makes it a lighter blonde. I've never thought it looked really unnatural, at all, in fact, when I met her I thought it was real. But Kristin is coloring her hair tonight and asks me for help with her highlights and stuff. After she does her base color she comes back into the room and she's asking for comments and Melissa says something along the lines of: "it's WAY better than your last color, that was just a horrible blonde, just kinda trashy." My jaw dropped. I didn't know what to say. I mean I know Melissa has had a privliged lifestyle, but holy crap. I felt so bad for Kristin, and she was really hurt. She's still hurt about it. But we finished her hair, and it looks soooo good, very nice, even, small highlights. But anyway, I was just...I was kinda hurt for Kristin.
Strange things afoot. I don't quite know where to go with it anymore. I'm nervous all the time, it's wierd. I just need to get some papers signed and I'll feel better. Too much, I tell ya.
Signing Off--Lauren
