10:43 p.m. | 2003-10-20
Being In Love Seems Plausible Some Days
Word of the Day for Monday October 20, 2003
nebbish NEB-ish, noun:
A weak-willed, timid, or ineffectual person.
I don't have too much to put in here today, not because it wasn't a busy day, just, I don't feel the effort too.
I miss being wrapped up in love, I miss that feeling, that hope, that joy, that just, mmmm, it's nice. I kind of have a grasp of that right now, but then I glance down and realize it's just my phone, and his voice is so far away that it can't be his arms around me that I think I feel.
Today started off great as Ian, Jamie, and I collectively decided not to go to bed. Instead we went into the hallway and did homework. I accidently still didn't go to class. But I did ever so love that feeling of passing out, I'm going to have to nap more often.
I went through my day, didn't get too much done, (except the new links to my stories and poetry pages, check them out, they're in progress, but getting there) but the real part of it was another talk with my friend from Arizona, Lance. I have had many conversations with him since the last one but...we had a great conversation.
The poor thing is sick, and we realized the other night we'd been talking to each other for two years, he's been sick twice now. He doesn't even want to admit to it, but he has the aches and he's hot and his throat hurts and I can hear that his nose is stuffed, it's so cute...I told him that I wanted to be there with him...that I wanted to make him soup, that I wanted to take care of him. I think I'd be good at that. My away message was dedicated to that today:
I'll sit here with my phone near me so that when you decide to call, I can be with you. I don't want your sniffles to get in the way, and if I could I'd be there at your side holding your hand and making it all right. Sleep as I run my hands through your hair, smile as you see me cook you soup, get better as the hours wear on. Be better baby, sleep well, and I love you...
I think I might actually be getting this loving feeling again...I don't want to feel the loss one more time, I don't...but he's just so sweet, the way he talks just...I wish I could save phone conversations and put them on here. I told him how I'd caress his forehead, and let him sleep propped up on me and he says to me, "would you leave?" I couldn't hear him clearly, "pardon?" He clears his throat a little, but he's quiet and it sounds like he's ashamed to ask, "would you--leave me?" I was taken back at this question and I paused before I answered, "I would never leave you, and if I ever had to, to go get you medicine or something, you'd know, because I know how much it would suck to wake up to no one."
He's too much, if you heard half the things he said, you'd melt. I love him...so much, and it's starting to scare me that I could be starting to feel that other kind of love for him. I'm scared, and I like it. There's way more local stuff that went on, but I'm not going to go into that today, I'm tired, and I'm going to bed.
Signing Off--Lauren
ps, check out the linkies poetry and stories
