late nights and loud fights
it's all just a blur

11:53 p.m. | 2003-10-18
If I'm Not Me, Who Am I?

Word of the Day for Saturday October 18, 2003 dilettante DIL-uh-tont; dil-uh-TONT; dil-uh-TON-tee; -TANT; -TAN-tee, noun; plural dilettantes, also dilettanti -TON-tee; -TAN-: 1. An amateur or dabbler; especially, one who follows an art or a branch of knowledge sporadically, superficially, or for amusement only. 2. An admirer or lover of the fine arts.

7 minutes before the mark sounds good, eh? Not that it's impossible to change the time. So, as just kind of an update...

I've changed a shit load, or more...I'm not sure if I'm comfortable in my skin here. I remember myself in Colorado, out there, witty, just kinda--confident. I come here and it's like, I can't do anything, numbers to guys? Not anymore. Smiles and winks? NO WAY. Any kind of action towards anyone? Naw. It's strange, not sure why it came about.

I'm running off to hang with James and Darren, but now that I've stamped the time the ---'s can follow... :D

---

Well we watched Requiem For A Dream, which rocks, and I've loved since the first time I saw it, but, after that is when the real fun started. I'm kind of glad I didn't stay with my mom tonight, I got to come back here and chill with the ladies for a while, talk some good stuff and at one point I notice that Colin had a warning of 33%. I remembered my days of warning Ian and I thought I'd ask. Somehow that turned into this long talk, where I berated him first for avoiding real situations, and second I told him outright what I thought about him. The usual, social habits and the like, and it was interesting, he said he'd like to keep it going. I'm glad I made that bridge, it feels good now. I like being connected with him (I liked the feeling he gave off). So it's 5:30 AM right now and I don't feel like sleeping more than three hours, so that's probably what I'll do, then take a shower and go get coffee then meet mom for the Cape. Fun stuff. Anyway, hopefully more Colin updates will follow seeing as he's a nifty guy.

Oh and Jamie has the relationship of a 14 year old, but the thoughts of a 42 year old, and it confuses the crap out of me, make sense damn it! Actually, it makes a lot of sense...explanation to follow later.

Signed Off--Lauren

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