11:32 a.m. | 2003-10-12
An Epiphiny 5.2 Minutes After Waking Up

I just realized something. Like it just clicked. I'm an adult. I'm a big girl now. Remember when I couldn't go to the doctor by myself? Somehow that changed in the last four years. I traveled on a plane the first time without ANY help (not even the annoying United helpers) when I was 12. I went to Italy at 14, granted with a school trip, but ALONE. I may have some bumpers along the road, but slowly, one by one they've been dissapearing. This thought isn't quite coming out right simply because I'm so ecstatic about it. I can't believe I didn't see this. It's so strange.

---

I've changed my sheets since I've been here. Once, it's an appropriate amount, and it's about time to do it again. My roomates haven't changed their sheets once, or even talked about it. I'm used to changing sheets, adults change sheets. I get little things done, I'm returning mail, I'm signing forms and returning them, for one of the first times in my life, ON THE SAME DAY. It's just, it's getting to me, people. I've grown up. I'm not longer to be watched after, I've become so much more responsible.

I have new pets, by the way. When I was at the aquarium the other day I bought sea monkeys, and now I have a ton of sea monkeys as pets. I feed them every couple of days, and they're cute. Now, question. And maybe you people out there can help me. You can't change the water, they're so small that just wouldn't work out. And there's obviously no filter on the tiny cage, and more than that, they're small organisms that produce waste. Will the tank get icky? There's not really bacteria enough to eat that, and in nature (where the sea monkeys live of course) there's other small organisms that feed off of them. There are none of those in my small tank. I'm going to devote a small portion of my day to researching brine shrimp. That'll be my attempt at being a kid again.

---I just saw the funniest thing ever, please please please check this out. It's great. I don't hate fur or anything, but the idea is CLASSIC. http://www.feldmangallery.com/pages/exhsolo/exhhea03.html Still working on how to link that, but for now, cut and paste kids (just don't eat the paste this time, please).

---I'm an adult right? So when I just spilled a little juice on a dark wool sweater as I was playing a stupid little game on MSN to distract me from my homework...and so when I went and quickly sucked it up with my mouth that was a good idea right? WRONG. Now my mouth tastes of sudsy sheep. I have these weird blue fibers on my tongue and then there's this horrid taste that tastes like I just drank Tide. Oh lord. When am I gonna learn?

---I went to the library kids! That thing I've been dreading, with getting the video out and watching it and what buttons do I push and who do I talk to?! I finally did it. So proud. So I went and watched the video. And I don't really want to play now, but I sure as hell don't want to go about doing more work. I think Nachos are in order, or maybe reese's. MMM. Anyway, the adult thing continues, I think I'll make it a staple in my diet. Off to bigger and better...

---Remember how I told you that I felt all adult like? Well as I sit here in near tears I wonder about that. The tears were over Jackie, Chris, and Darren all coming over and just being asses to me, 'oh, I'll come to Lauren's room to find Jamie, but I won't invite Lauren in on anything that's going on and on top of that I'm going to be a bitch to Jamie.' That's horrible. I can't believe people could be that horrible. I hope I'm never ever like that, EVER. I closed the door so I can cry to myself.

I need to put this in here...my friends rock. My real ones that is. They are so much it's amazing. I've talked to Scott, Jess, Will, Andy, and Ronnie all in the last day or so and they have made me feel so freaking special. I miss them so much, I miss the way they understood me, I miss the way I was treated, I just miss it. Here...well here people are just different. They don't treat me like I think I deserve, I mean I don't even think I deserve that much but I would never treat another person like this-ever. I mean possibly I have this strange knack for being nice to people. For giving a shit. And then it falls apart like this. I can't feel worthy. I can't. This is all so scattered, I know, but I've never been able to be coherent through tears, only poetic. I can't go on, I'm going to go sit down and decide whether to call someone or cry myself to sleep.

Signing Off--Lauren

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