late nights and loud fights
it's all just a blur

5:33 p.m. | 2003-10-09
It's Like I Can't Think Of What To Say

So, my mom comes next week. That should be interesting, I think I'm going to use it as my weekend away from this little dorm room I call home. But that's ok. Melissa went home, or started to head home this afternoon, I think Kristin might go home tomorrow. And please, people, it's not like I want them to go. It's just, being alone so much, I've gotten used to it. I value my alone time, ya know what I mean? Oh well.

But, I just finished walking down to Ian's room, to make him smell like my dream man. Oh lord, I bought this cologne from Victoria's secret, it's what Mister McCoy used to wear. It's so good. And I mentioned something about it to Ian about a girl named Cate coming down the hall and smelling it and having a literal orgasm. Heh, he asked for it. So I took it down, put it on. It's entertaining stuff. He's cute, and if he likes it, it's an early christmas present I need to go buy. Oh well. Actually his birthday is in like 2 weeks. Hmmm. Anyway, he put it on and I smelled that and no joke people, I hate to admit this, but I got a little turned on! I wanted to grab him and just smell. MMM. Just to do a little advertising...Victoria's Secret makes this perfume named Sexy. One for men, one for women. Here's the deal kids, Sexy2 is coming out like NOW, and I like the older stuff better, so I'd suggest you try and smell the old stuff first. They have the new stuff on testers behind the counter, so if you ask, you can smell. This stuff is just, MMMM. So anyway, I put that on him, it was delicious. Well, actually, I taught him to put it on himself. So, yeah. Anyway...

I'm sitting here just kinda bopping out to the music, maybe I'll actually study tonight, maybe. I don't know. I still haven't figured out this library thing, so I might do that to. Heh, whatever.

I don't really have too much important to say. Besides I want a man. Yeah, that's about it. Oh well, I'll deal. For now at the very least.

Drama is negative, ever notice that? (Enter Jamie, who walks into my room and as we start to talk, sets her stuff down). I just had a conversation with Jamie. As it turns out my two roomates, along with Jackie (who has been Jamie's friend since the start of school), have started to get clicky, and are now starting an unofficial 'I hate Lauren club.' I guess my roomates are in that kind of , 'I want to like her because she's a nice person, but she does this one thing that bothers me.' That's really really sad. And really really juvenile. And in my mind I'm going to sit here and go, my lord, you guys are really immature, and that's really sad that you'd act like that. We're adults, we have to live together for a year, TELL ME YOUR PROBLEMS. Just leaving them there is going to pull it all apart, it's going to explode the situation into way more than it was supposed to be. Not that is was SUPPOSED to be anything.

So, I don't want to pull away from this situation, I don't want to appease them...but...I don't want to sit here and do nothing. I have to pick a solution and go with it. All this clickiness sucks, and makes me feel so much less loved. While in my head I'm sitting here going it'll be ok, somewhere deep in there I'm thinking, fuck, someone doesn't like me. Why? What did I do wrong? What's wrong with ME that would make you not like me? How can I fix it? What can I do to make it better? Help!

Now that, kids, is depressing. Oh well, Kristin left all quietly to go get dinner, she left a note for Melissa, she was being all sweet to her, not to me. She barely talks to me. I guess I have been a little harsh with this whole baseball thing, and I could stop maybe making fun of them? But why is it ok when Kristin makes a comment like 'I reckon I'm gonna get hitched,' but when I do it it's not funny? It's sad that people can be that unfair. It's childish. And this crap should stop.

I thought about transferring to CU the other day. Seriously thinking about it. I could do architecture there. That would be ok with me, actually. Plus, I'd be close to possibly the coolest people ever. I miss my friends, a lot. And it just seems stupid that as I try to make new ones these people who think I'm cool are so far away. I realized that I came here for the wrong reasons. At least I think so. More thoughts on it later I guess. Leave me love on the notes though, I could use it.

Signing Off--Lauren

ps, Jamie kicks ass

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