10:38 a.m. | 2003-09-22
ER, tears, and strange survival
I'm frustrated.
I don't really want to do this, I haven't for a while, but I guess I can't stop that now, since here I am slamming my hands down on a computer. I told myself I wouldn't get homesick, well I'm winning on that front. That included not crying. It's just a general sign of weakness from my perspective. Now here comes the tough part.
About a year ago when I went to the podiatrist for just checking stuff, he said I had broken my arch. I was like, uh, I don't remenber doing that. Well, my ankle was puffy at my Aunt Jan's, it has only gone downhill. It hurts. And pretty bad. I could deal with it, I could wait until the first of October, when I can see my new doctor out here, but...it hurts. I can't decide if it's a mix of my frustration and the pain or the pain alone or maybe I just want to see people I know. I don't know. But it is driving me nuts.
I miss people who know me. Still. I know that sounds horrible, but I mean...seriously. Ugh. And I really think I want to do this gold membership thing. Fuck money, I should just do it, if they have some pretty set up templates, I mean I don't have any resident computer nerds, but still. I'm going to do it. Why the hell not. I guess life just hurts a little more these days.
Frank Sinatra's Luck Be a Lady is on right now. The second I heard it come on I thought about Chapman. I wonder where he is, how he's holding up, if he's found friends, if he got into the choir, if...if...I miss him. I mean I lost touch with him over the summer, but I still care for him. In fact, most days I just sit here and wonder how everyone's doing. In fact, I should write down all of the people I want to see when I go back, just so in the excitement I don't miss them. I'll deal. That much I know.
You know, that's a great thought. I'll deal. I know it's true, I've always done it, I will now. Nifty. I'm pretty strong, I mean, I'll do it, no worries, may hurt a bit and I may end up visiting the ER, but oh well. I wish you all better.
Signing off--Lauren
