late nights and loud fights
it's all just a blur

10:43 p.m. | 2003-08-14
Literary genius goes suicidal over lost friends...

I was going to write earlier, realized what I was going to write was rather inane and pointless. Kind of the same now. I'm mentally in this strange place, I'm excited about school, sure, but I'm totally unsure in myself if I can make it. I'm happy and like not energetic all at once. I want to lay down, but I have things to do and strangely, the motivation to do them. I think it's crisis time. One more breakdown, then I can be happy before I go, sound good?

I wonder if I could map my mood swings, because when I'm dealing with people my mood is fairly stable, though, on the inside it's kind of up and down. I'm thinking I'll put on Loveline, listen for a while, it is a weeknight, right? And then maybe clean my room a little. I want to talk to someone, though, that's what I feel like at this moment. I think my friends aren't so cool about 10:45 calls, would you blame them?

I just feel bad about not seeing people this summer, I've been like avoiding them or something, darn it.

I'm scared of going, but I think I'll be ok, I think we'll work this out, I mean I have like 11 more days, I can have a ton of fun in that, a complete blast. Tomorrow's gonna be cool, though, too. I have to work in the morning, but then in the afternoon we're going to see shakespeare, which will be nice, we're seeing the Taming of The Shrew, as I remember. But then again I feel bad, I missed Hamlet with Annie, :(

Maybe I'll call her, god I miss her so much, I miss everybody, and I'm afraid that no one will understand that and like everyone will have pictures, and I won't and...and...awwww, now I'm all sad. I'm gonna go get happier and stop missing a life I'm leaving, it's better after all--right?

Signing off--Lauren

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