10:18 p.m. | 2003-08-10
Graingermania
I'm over sitting, well actually just watching over Jessie, Maddie, and Eliza, the Grainger household basically. I like these girls, they're all pretty down to earth. Eliza has yet to get her own personality, you know, that too young thing, but both Jessie and Maddie are truly young and caring people. Granted Maddie's a really cool girl who likes getting on Nat's nerves, and Jessie is simply that angry teen. Reminds me of myself. Oooh. Ouch. I just insulted myself, that's new.
But I've been hanging out here, and in fact, it's been nice. We made dinner and we had fun and we got stuff done and just, I don't know what to do with myself some days. I came to thinking today, most of my really good friends are going to be gone by the time I leave. I thought maybe, just maybe, I could spend my last night with Gabe, see the sunrise, and smile and just, be happy with where I am in life and the decisions I've made, ya know?
Not that I could ever be that satisfied, but I think I want to ask him if we can, what day is the 23rd...Saturday, that'd be nice. Maybe I should ask him now, hey Gabe...would you mind if maybe we spent that last night together, I'll buy dinner and we can just be retarded all night long and watch the sunrise, please. Just to let me know that people do care for me, just a re-assurance, plus I feel like a complete rebel and punk doing that, :D
Gabe has been "be right back" for hours now, I mean I signed on at 6 or so, and he was that way, now it's 10+ and he's still that way. Whatever, no problem I just, yeah. I've come to think of him more often now, though it's not like I used to. It's the same in that I want to be near him, but it's less desperate, or like I want him for a different reason now, and that's cool with me. I'm in the kind of mood I can only describe one way, when someone's sitting there eating a banana, nothing really pressing to get done, but they're half focused on eating it, half not. If that makes any sense.
I'm going to play around here for a while, have some fun, then get up early to make french toast and get the girls out of the house so the two youngest can get to Grandma's. I was thinking of asking Jessie if I could come home real late tomorrow night, because I might, you know my mom's gone and all...but still. It's a silly thought, and I should stop.
Thought, I had mentioned getting a gold membership, playing with the idea and actually making this a hobby, because I really like to do it. Problem. What makes me think my life in Boston is going to be exciting? I mean my life is only half interesting now even to me and to say it'd get better would be silly. I'll have less time, though cuter boys and a bigger city. We'll think this over, no decisions until we get to Boston. Makes sense. Gonna play some Dashboard and act sad, and then maybe go play around, who knows. Be well.
Signing off--Lauren
