2:51 p.m. | 2003-07-25
Maybe it's leftovers from childhood, sitting on the way back of the fridge
I don't know why, but I still have this air of resentment about my mother. I get home, and even though I was cut early, and I have to pee, and a dirty kitchen is waiting to be cleaned, I'm fine. Doo doo doo, I go about my business. But the second she walks in that door, it's like, ugh. At first, she doesn't say anything, the resentment is at a level 3 of 10. Then, she starts saying things, one, I live upstairs (the HOTTEST part of the house) two, my door is closed, and three, my fan is in high, she knows this, it's on 24/7. She continues to talk. I don't know what about, most likely nagging me for not doing something. It's ok though, I'm fine with it, as soon as she stops talking to me I go back to my level three.
Now, as to my mood, generally I'm pretty happy, and generally if I'm not I know why. But, for some reason I'm all stressed and such, not stressed, it's just like something is weighing on my mind, and it's making me not so happy. Just in a general bad mood, I don't like it, I'm a happy person, damn it. So, I guess I thought I'd just get that out there. I'll probably write more tonight, because I don't have anything scheduled to do, Nat called, have we explained Nat? Ok, quick.
Nat Grainger: hunk, hunk, hunk, hunk. And he thinks I'm a really nice and cool girl, but more than that, we will never have a relationship, though if he asked me, surely I would. It's more that kind of thing, like I think I would be good for him, though maybe not forever, just to improve him a bit. Anyway...back to my day and such...
So, Nat called this morning, and Will is in Boston (lucky boy, and turns out he loves it there, and he's looking at colleges so maybe next year I won't have to live without him, yay!). Chapman...is...um, something. And David (mister McCoy this time) doesn't have a job so he may be free. Though if the night involves Libby or Clarice, two of the most genuinely fake people I know, I'm not interested. I'll call and see what's up.
Anyway, I'm off to a lunch where my Dad can sit there and tell me all about how he's going to save this business (the place he got fired from) when this company from Utah buys it. And my dad would be the new President of this area and stuff, blah blah blah. I don't know if he has it anymore. I mean truly, can he do it? I guess we'll see. Anyway, I could use some love people, if there is anyone out there reading about the damn mental strife I go through daily, then well tell me...not wanting to feel so alone anymore, and lord knows when that happens I shouldn't be calling up boys. So, yeah, enjoy, be well, and if you get a chance, get shit faced drunk.
Signing Off--Lauren
