12:50 p.m. | 2003-07-01
Beginning to an End
In life there's turns, and there's detours, and there's even a few one way streets. And there's a whole journey and story that goes along with that. I personally find it intriguing and in fact, absolutely amazing. In an effort to record all that is along that path, I figured I'd start something along these lines.
Anyway, Tuesday's the day, kind of random, but I guess it works, and I figured I'd just...start. I move to Boston in August, the very end of it, to pursue a career in architecture, but my deep seeded fears of failing are sure to follow me, but that'll be explained later I assume.
At this point, and I know it sounds rather normal for someone my age, but I truly think I'm getting to the point where I can't stand my mother, I don't know why but there's this incredible stress and anger I get when I'm near her. I'm sure it's now healthy, but hell, I'll deal.
There's some going on in the personal life right now, I've been hanging out with this guy for almost 2 months now, that I met at a coffee shop, long story, and he's absolutely amazing, cool thing is he likes me. Though, problem is, I don't want a relationship especially since I'm going to be leaving here very shortly, and second, he won't have anything to do with me past friendship without a relationship. Which I can't blame him for, I mean that'd be horrible.
I also met another guy more recently, went to prom with a really good friend of mine as kind of a friend thing, only she thought it was more than that, and thus some tension and they don't really speak anymore. And I'm sure I'll give the whole run down later and all, but we ended up talking, a lot, and at some point I slept with him. Though, there's no strings attached and luckily I have had this amazing ability with him to disconnect my personal feelings towards him as a friend and any other kind of, ahem, feelings I have towards him.
The other day I wrote something down, and I'll try to find it, but I think I've come to this place partially because of Gabriel (that new friend of mine who I mentioned just now) and what he made me think about myself and the fact that I'm a little country girl moving into a big city and I'm not at all afraid that I won't make it. And that makes me happy, with my biggest fear in life being failure, it shouldn't be so easy to do this, and yet even if I do fail (which I don't see happening) I think I'll be just fine, and that's a great feeling.
As far as the 'rents go, I'm not so overjoyed. It's my personal opinion that, well, you shouldn't meddle with a marriage and actually help the breaking up process. If they're going to do it, they need to do it and suffer or enjoy it to whatever extent they should please. My father, on the other hand, I guess has been dating this lady named Maria Alba, and well, it's weird. 'Cause she moved here from Mexico a long time ago to do work at CSU's lab and she and her husband, along with her daughter who's a year older than me. They moved back to Mexico and then when we went on a vacation there my father and I just kind of randomly went to visit them, which is cool and all, but it was a bit awkward. Well, enter Lauren's sickness (which by the way, I'm Lauren) and I'm sitting there in the bathroom really not feeling well when Maria and her husband Jose get into this huge fight and the whole idea of divorce starts. My father's there from the beginning, now she lives here in the US and her daughter, who also lives with her here, doesn't know she's dating my father. And on top of that, they're acting rather inappropriate in public. Especially around me. I think he's a grown man, and he had the right to date, but when it makes me uncomfortable I think that crosses a line, and I think that's unacceptable. There's way more to that story, including divorce papers, and being at my house late, and even talk about what she has in her bedroom. All thoughts I don't want.
My mother's not much better, I guess she randomly has started dating this guy "Ed" from Arizona, who I have no idea who the hell he is. And she's turned 13 and calls him at like 11 every night and stays on the phone forever, and when I jokingly confronted her about it, she's like "no, there's nothing going on, blah blah blah." Yet, her good friend, who she talks to a lot, and tell ALL of my doings as well as hers to, accidentally let it slip. So I don't think it's serious, but don't you think I should know about this bullshit?
