7:10 p.m. | 2005-06-03
If She's With Me I'll Blink the Lights
I can't tell if I love it or hate it when I'm near tears emotionally and the skies just open up and reciprocate my feelings. They just start these downpours that cover streets and overflow gutters and make those tears that were near come flowing.
But for honesty's sake, I haven't cried in a long time.
My friends have been calling me for the last week and I'll glance at my cell phone and silence it and continue on whatever I'm doing. I'm not sure why, to be honest. I'm the type of person who ALWAYS (if I can) answers her phone. And my friends aren't calling to see if I'm going to go get drunk that night or if I'd like to come over and party (or some other activity that would hinder my life) most of the time they're just calling for advice or to see if I'm ok.
I find myself brushing past people with this look of anger in my eye as they ask if I'm ok and I smile back fakely, "yes, just perfect." It's like everything that has been hurting for the past year has just suddenly come to fruition. I feel accomplished with myself but look back at the rest of the world and feel sick to my stomach. How could they be so fake? How?
How could an entire population and culture be so dominated by being similar and worse, being anything but themselves? Speaking of masks and being fake...I've changed my hair color once again.
